01-01-2016, 04:55 AM
In her palm she held fire
so bright;
searing light on display
so all could see,
but none could touch.
He,
entranced by her energy,
tried to touch her incandescent flame.
In his hand he held water,
free-flowing and unconstrained.
Curiously, she gave her hand.
Confused,
her brightness diminished.
She grew like a star,
like a supernova
until finally,
she exploded.
he, without form
and she formless too
---
this is personally the way that i would have formatted/written it but i think its just stylistic differences.although there are some curious ways in which you had formatted this . Like you dont start pit spaces between the start of new sentences but over all this was a very good poem and i enjoyed reading this (:
so bright;
searing light on display
so all could see,
but none could touch.
He,
entranced by her energy,
tried to touch her incandescent flame.
In his hand he held water,
free-flowing and unconstrained.
Curiously, she gave her hand.
Confused,
her brightness diminished.
She grew like a star,
like a supernova
until finally,
she exploded.
he, without form
and she formless too
---
this is personally the way that i would have formatted/written it but i think its just stylistic differences.although there are some curious ways in which you had formatted this . Like you dont start pit spaces between the start of new sentences but over all this was a very good poem and i enjoyed reading this (: