The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #3)

[ellajam]

Well.

It's gratifying to see how much effort's been applied to this poem; it deserves it.
And not without results: Many a good point has been raised and competently dealt with.

This poem moved me to inaction at the first; it still does.

And while not to belittle all this effort, I must say I still find the original more appealing.
Being an analytical person and all, and one prone to endless editing, I have come to
appreciate the slight roughness, the irregularities of first impressions. And no, I do not
approve of novices who spout that "virgin is better" excuse for not putting in the effort
to think about their poem and take the time to do a decent edit. But... when a writer
has practiced, read, become proficient in their art/craft, there's a certain argument to
be made for fresh words delivered directly from the subconscious, for those little
irregularities that let us participate in the creation of the work, the feel (however fanciful)
that we were there when it happened. The Navahos, when they weave their sublime rugs,
always include a defect, an irregularity in the otherwise perfect symmetry of their composition.
"It's to let the evil spirits out", it's explained. For me, it has to do with the sin of pride;
the quest for perfection that dulls what the poem attempts to say, and leaves us with what
it looks like.

Ha, well, I like all the edits, really, just over-thinking as usual,
Ray

P.S. Beautiful poem, there's really no way it could be harmed, only helped.

Thanks for stopping in, Ray, and for taking the time to comment, I hear you.

That perfection thing is in quilting also, I've heard it said because only god is perfect and one shouldn't be so proud as to think one is equal to god. I never really worry about it because I am never that close to perfection that it is an issue. Nor do I think a god would give a hoot.

That said, I do sometimes edit the life out of a piece but usually when I resuscitate it it's better than the original. I still don't really have full faith in this one and remembering the poem I linked to earlier in this thread makes me think the work I put in here may lead nowhere in regards to a keeper, but I'm enjoying the process, the craft and the interaction, and that's my only goal here. It's certainly not unusual for me to have to dial back, that's one of the beauties of working with words, takes no time at all restart from an earlier point, if only I can figure what that point is.

So thanks, Ray, my next read through of the edits will keep your comments in mind.