12-31-2015, 12:34 PM
Well.
It's gratifying to see how much effort's been applied to this poem; it deserves it.
And not without results: Many a good point has been raised and competently dealt with.
This poem moved me to inaction at the first; it still does.
And while not to belittle all this effort, I must say I still find the original more appealing.
Being an analytical person and all, and one prone to endless editing, I have come to
appreciate the slight roughness, the irregularities of first impressions. And no, I do not
approve of novices who spout that "virgin is better" excuse for not putting in the effort
to think about their poem and take the time to do a decent edit. But... when a writer
has practiced, read, become proficient in their art/craft, there's a certain argument to
be made for fresh words delivered directly from the subconscious, for those little
irregularities that let us participate in the creation of the work, the feel (however fanciful)
that we were there when it happened. The Navahos, when they weave their sublime rugs,
always include a defect, an irregularity in the otherwise perfect symmetry of their composition.
"It's to let the evil spirits out", it's explained. For me, it has to do with the sin of pride;
the quest for perfection that dulls what the poem attempts to say, and leaves us with what
it looks like.
Ha, well, I like all the edits, really, just over-thinking as usual,
Ray
P.S. Beautiful poem, there's really no way it could be harmed, only helped.
It's gratifying to see how much effort's been applied to this poem; it deserves it.
And not without results: Many a good point has been raised and competently dealt with.
This poem moved me to inaction at the first; it still does.
And while not to belittle all this effort, I must say I still find the original more appealing.
Being an analytical person and all, and one prone to endless editing, I have come to
appreciate the slight roughness, the irregularities of first impressions. And no, I do not
approve of novices who spout that "virgin is better" excuse for not putting in the effort
to think about their poem and take the time to do a decent edit. But... when a writer
has practiced, read, become proficient in their art/craft, there's a certain argument to
be made for fresh words delivered directly from the subconscious, for those little
irregularities that let us participate in the creation of the work, the feel (however fanciful)
that we were there when it happened. The Navahos, when they weave their sublime rugs,
always include a defect, an irregularity in the otherwise perfect symmetry of their composition.
"It's to let the evil spirits out", it's explained. For me, it has to do with the sin of pride;
the quest for perfection that dulls what the poem attempts to say, and leaves us with what
it looks like.
Ha, well, I like all the edits, really, just over-thinking as usual,
Ray
P.S. Beautiful poem, there's really no way it could be harmed, only helped.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions