Meditation

[REW]

Hi,

I like the humor in this.  Certain things like the smelly socks penetrating the walls are amusing.  For me I had no problems interpreting the meaning of the dirty knife in the sink.  The meditation in the title could even be a response to the dark and evil thoughts lurking in response to the knife in the sink, to calm down oneself from doing anything rash.

I looked at your original version.  I miss the singing along to the pump-up music out of key in the original.  That would be highly annoying.  I am not sure about the stanza referencing the tv shows.  Perhaps this could be substituted with something more annoying?  I know reality TV is bad and all, but you need something pretty provoking before the murderous thoughts.  Maybe you could even include both the jogging routine and obnoxiously blending the shake?  Does he have an orange tan?  Does he do any fancy flexing in front of the mirror?  Ask you to shave his back?

All in all this is enjoyable.

Edit:

My roommate’s socks 
penetrate walls
and envelop rooms.
 
His morning routine
is my 6 am alarm clock;
thumping into shorts,
bumping into tables,
and blending a protein shake
on his way to the gym.
 
Our DVR is filled with banal 
sit-coms, murder mysteries, 
and reality TV. 
 
When he leaves a dirty knife in the sink, 
I smile and think.

Original:

My roommate’s socks
penetrate walls
and envelope rooms.
 
His morning jog
is a cacophonic alarm clock;
thumping into shorts,
bumping into tables,
and shouting pump-up songs
in an out of key reminder
of my own laziness.
 
Our DVR is filled with banal
sit-coms, murder mysteries,
and reality TV.
 
When he leaves a dirty knife in the sink,
I smile and think.