12-31-2015, 01:45 AM
Dear Ellajam,
Lines dropped in edit 2, which I especially liked from edit 1:
each with one article you couldn't trash. - Why did you change this? I think this line draws such a nice picture of the personality you are talking about.
and almost working vacuum cleaners, - I know you have been taken up on that one, but I especially liked it. It is NOT working, the thing actually most likely needs chucking out, but there is this chance somebody knows where exactly to kick it, to make it work again. It is, so to say, almost working, and cannot be not thrown out.
When the ocean took it all you came, - I can see how it is hard to carry on from here, but I prefered the way these words sound to the surge.
All in all, just by dropping these lines, I even like edit 1 more, even though everything else reads better in edit 2.
My arms are full of empty,
free to hold today.
These are my favorite lines. Not only in this poem, but ...propably EVER.
Lines dropped in edit 2, which I especially liked from edit 1:
each with one article you couldn't trash. - Why did you change this? I think this line draws such a nice picture of the personality you are talking about.
and almost working vacuum cleaners, - I know you have been taken up on that one, but I especially liked it. It is NOT working, the thing actually most likely needs chucking out, but there is this chance somebody knows where exactly to kick it, to make it work again. It is, so to say, almost working, and cannot be not thrown out.
When the ocean took it all you came, - I can see how it is hard to carry on from here, but I prefered the way these words sound to the surge.
All in all, just by dropping these lines, I even like edit 1 more, even though everything else reads better in edit 2.
My arms are full of empty,
free to hold today.
These are my favorite lines. Not only in this poem, but ...propably EVER.