Do You Remember Me?

[Be]

I enjoyed reading this

Do You Remember Me?
like
Do you remember me?
When our stars struck over the churning seas
brilliantly lyrical
We burst into a million little pieces,
fabulously descriptive
Each a letter spelling our love,
why letters? where did they come from? I think... "each of our emotions scattered and scrambled" .. would flow better.
Down to the water they rained
mmmm not keen. needs more work depending on outcome of previous line.
A lingering luminescence
alliteration always a good thing
So we lit the legend of you and me
mm maybe a bit weak / cheesy. how about ... "incandescent were we, you and me"
When our stars struck above the churning seas
lovely
Do you remember me?
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree
just perfectly soppy
When I was the artist,
And you were my canvas,
ew a bit cring! Feminists are gonna hate! how about....... "we took turns to be artist
both impressionable as paper"
Each kiss a new colour
shade?
In the palette of our existence
existance needs replacing as doesn't flow. maybe "union"

So we sketched the story of you and me
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree.

Do you remember me?
I remember you –
I do.
very weak. who are they now to each other and why might they have forgot??
maybe....
Do you remember me?
My dear darling love.
Many aeons ago
when we we in the throws
of young love upon a dream