The Hoi Polloi

[billy]

Billy, thanks for your comments on my use of commas, it has been duly noted. I've taken out the repetition and understand your point about many stanzas saying the same things. When you commented: 'needs a reworking. as is it's too far away from this reader to take seriously.' on the last line of the third stanza- 'Herding its prey'- did you mean that the line needed reworking or the entire stanza? And what did you mean by it being too far away to take seriously? Is it too metaphysical/not grounded enough in reality? Thanks a lot for your help.

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Would really appreciate comments on the changes made- Billy, your comment about a darker, shorter poem hidden in the version I posted have been noted. The Gucci stanza has been stripped, but I couldn't bear removing it in its entirety because I feel it lends a certain humanity and realism to the rest of the poem, as well as articulating the superficiality of existence in a more subtle way. Thanks for taking the time folks

the stanza, though as i said "the poem for me needed a good haircut" the first word made me think of wolverine as did the third line of it. it just felt too much "dare i say" tripe ><