Our Lady The Opaque

[ellajam]

Rayheinrich - Thanks for your thoughts. I’m more than a little confused by how that first stanza is unclear but it seems to have been unclear to everyone so… I guess I’m the crazy one here. What’s funny is that I thought the problem with those lines was that the sentiment is a little cliche.
Side note regarding the sun: it’s possible my understanding of the science here is flawed, but I have noticed what I assumed was the same effect with the sun, where if you look at it directly for a second or two you see a small white circle, whereas held in your peripheral vision, like you usually do, it looks larger and brighter, with indistinct edges.

Dale - Isn’t there some quote about analysis being more profitable when you assume that the writer knows what they are doing? Whatever, if you want to accuse people of writing crappy poetry, that’s your prerogative, although I would disagree about it constituting “critique.”
The logic of your second paragraph is a bit beyond me. Since averted vision is a form of not looking at something, I don’t see the contradiction. No one appears to have gotten the reference anyway, so I’m not sure why I’m arguing about this.
I think that being really exacting about grammar and punctuation is appropriate for prose but not always for poetry, being that poetry is more about the music of language than the mathematics. I think we’ll have to agree to disagree about this one.

My bold. A critique here is a post addressing what the poster finds are weak or strong points of the piece during their read. No one is accusing the poet of anything here, members are addressing the poem at hand. Not every poem will work for everybody, just pick up any book of poetry and count how many times you say "meh". These workshops are for hearing the experience of the poem from readers who are members of this site, with all their varied tastes, backgrounds and perceptions.

If anyone has a personal beef with someone please take it to the Arse, where anyone can freely accuse anyone of accusing them of anything. The workshops are not the place for personal sniping. Thanks, ella