An Overheard Conversation

[shurgaree]

Dark!! Nice though. It's more of a dark humor rather than plain drab. I like your style though, keep this teeter-totter of dark/humor balanced and I could see a lot of good stuff like this coming out. Comments in bold below

While I continueundefined to rework The Wayward Sailor (the third edit is on the way), I wanted to post another early (though not too early) poem of mine. This one takes on a darker tone, but I hope has some of the same comedic elements of The Wayward Sailor. Also, you may get the idea that I like to rhyme in my poems. You would not be wrong!

Note: There are a few cliches here that I have yet to wring out for the particular reason that they make the rhyme work. If you all have any ideas in regards to this problem, it would be more than appreciated.

Overheard Conversation


Twas a dark and rainy night,
When two men took to smoking.
Both were laughing. Both were joking.
At each other, fun, they were poking.

And as I saw these two men,
The wind pitched to me their discourse:
“How do you suppose we fit ‘im
In that little thrift shop casket?”

Then, in reply, the other said:
“Tis quite a pity all we could find
To put this man, still of mind,
Is a dismal thrift shop casket.”

But still on he went,
With a snigger and a cough:
“Don’t you worry and don’t you fret,
For he will find a way to fit.”

“And if that he’s not fain to do,
We’ll chop ‘im up a time or two,
And we shall stuff his body in
That little thrift shop casket!”
^I love this stanza, it makes me laugh


Your rhyme scheme confuses me. If you don't care about having a rhyme scheme it's fine how it is, but if you do you may want to find some common ground