The Scenic Route [Revised]

[Jeremiahcp]

Thank you Keith, Ronsaik, and Qdeathstar for the feedback, it was very helpful. I made some revisions...I hope that they make the poem's meaning a bit clearer. The poem is about mother nature's disposition: she don't mind, she don't care. The great eye in the sky invites me outside and I want to go so badly but i have many excuses why I can't. But the sun doesn't hear excuses, and it doesn't care about my reasons. It will keep inviting me anyway. 

I watch the sun see through the trees
through the glass,
see through me.

This great star 
saturates my window
brightly warms my hand,
as if in proposition.

My smile concedes like a girl
that has just been asked to dance.
An unstoppable smile.

I belong out there, in the trees
At the source
Eating sunshine and
sipping starbursts
Filter free.

I roll down the window
as if to shout
"Stop!
Drop me off here".

But all I have are excuses:
"Bad timing," I say.
And the sun may see,
but it does not hear.

Love the concept, as it is a great direction for a poem. Here are my thoughts, take or leave them as you like.  

"I watch the sun see through the trees
through the glass,
see through me."

I enjoy the concept of you watching what the Sun is watching, and I think this is a solid opening. However, the second see is unneeded.

It should read:

I watch the sun see through the trees
through the glass,
through me.

"This great star 
saturates my window
brightly warms my hand,
as if in proposition."

I am going to disagree with Ronsaik, about "This great star", as the Sun is very essential to all life on this planet, therefore calling it great is not at all an exaggeration. However, it should read: The great star. 

Personally, I don't really like the word proposition, just because the way that word is use in adult conversations.  I think you have an opportunity here to use the imagery of the Sun coming through the window and touching you, as a way to convey that desire to join it outside. Also at this point, when I first read the poem, the image I got was a house window, and that is because, sunlight coming through windows is a very common image in writing, and it is most often associated with widows in a building. So I suggest you may want to find a way to clarify that this is a car you are in. 

"My smile concedes like a girl
that has just been asked to dance.
An unstoppable smile."

I do enjoy the idea of the Sun asking you to dance, but the word concedes, means to give up. And you say it is an unstoppable smile. You could say something like I concede to my unstoppable smile. As what is really happening, is that you are conceding to the smile, but the smile itself is not conceding. The way it is written now, the smile is both yielding and unstoppable, and what I think you mean is that you are yielding to an unstoppable smile. 

"I belong out there, in the trees
At the source
Eating sunshine and
sipping starbursts
Filter free."

You can drop filter free, as we get that the window is acting as a the filter, without the need to say so. To be honest, I would also drop, At the source, we get that out there is the source. Let the stanza speak for itself, and trust your readers. 

'"I roll down the window
as if to shout
"Stop!
Drop me off here".

But all I have are excuses:
"Bad timing," I say.
And the sun may see,
but it does not hear."'

I would change that first line to: "I roll down the window [wanting] to shout". Then in the next stanza, I would change the first line to: "But all I can do is mumble an excuse."  As then you have a desire to shout, only for it to come out as a mumble. I like the turn at the end here, as the during the entire poem the window was the barrier, but here the real barrier, is revealed. 

And remember you are the author, and these are only suggestions.