12-23-2015, 09:00 AM
Cute, short little poeem.
I like the theme; it has some nice turns. The language and word choices overall are nice.
There is a cliche with mind devouring. Also, "secrets slipped inside" is awkward, as I can't tell if they are slipping inside you or the biggest book. After much thought, I figure its slipping into you. But ... Still strange word choice. Perhaps a more active verb could be used, words like culled, gleaned even extracted, etc would be better. You are following "devoured" so keep it strong.
I like the theme; it has some nice turns. The language and word choices overall are nice.
There is a cliche with mind devouring. Also, "secrets slipped inside" is awkward, as I can't tell if they are slipping inside you or the biggest book. After much thought, I figure its slipping into you. But ... Still strange word choice. Perhaps a more active verb could be used, words like culled, gleaned even extracted, etc would be better. You are following "devoured" so keep it strong.