< calming down >

[rayheinrich]

               

                                   
               
                                                        < Calming Down >
                       
                        I was a frantic young poet, so afraid of forgetting some genius phrase
                        or other that I carried a piece of paper rolled tightly around a pencil
                        everywhere I went just so I'd be able to catch those words before
                        they flew away.  (I remember regularly picking papier-mâchéd bits of
                        that paper out of the clothes dryer.)  
                       
                        Michael McNeilley (poet and friend) would see me like this and say:
                        "Calm down, if it's that good, it will come back to you." It took a few
                        years, but I came to realize he was right. What a relief: I could look
                        around, notice everyday stuff, not have to worry about making poetry
                        out of every damned thing in sight.
                       
                        Years later, I said to Michael: "It doesn't all come back, does it?" He said:
                        "No, but you believed it long enough to calm down, didn't you?  Besides,
                         it doesn't really matter if you lose it, there's always more."  
                        I calmed down again.
                       
                        Michael died 14 years ago, so I can't say to him: "There isn't always more,
                        is there?" But I know what he'd say: "No, there isn't; but you believed it
                        long enough to calm down, didn't you?"
                       
                       


                        This reminds me of when I first realized what my sister (a photographer) had been telling me for years:
                                        "You can experience 'now' or take a picture of 'now', but you can't really do both."


While criticism is not required, it is sincerely to be hoped for. (Off or On-topic remarks and clever abuse are appreciated as well.)