i'm not sure of the title. i'm taking from it that the persona in the poem is a sinner of some kind hoping for forgiveness.
(12-20-2015, 12:19 PM)Jacob Wrote: Our Lady The Opaque
I will not look at you
your eyes and your face and your hands
I hold them in the blurred periphery i like that this creates an image within an image
like the sun and the stars
you glow brighter when I look away
a suggestion; if you is [if] to start the 3rd line, you can shave off [when i look away] i'm minded of coming out of a dark tunnel into the light.
I will not see through you
your face and the mind beyond it the face again, could something else be used, head, skull?
I halt my guessing at your feet
whatever fears or desires pulse therein are we implying desires pulse at her feet?
you do not need me to draw them from you
I will not touch you
your mind opaque and voice a mist your instead of and?
I know the venom in my hands does this refer to violence? though i'm not sure, i do like the idea of it
and the spines on my tongue i think i understand this metaphor
you are fading quick enough without my help
[This is a piece I've been working on for awhile, some lines have resisted all efforts, any input will be appreciated.]