Our Lady The Opaque

[ellajam]

A strong piece. I like the simplicity of the language vs the complexity of the emotion behind it. I've put some thoughts on my read below.

Our Lady The Opaque

I will not look at you
your eyes and your face and your hands I'm still undecided on the ands. They slow the line well but commas would do the same if you used them and I find out loud I just swallow them.
I hold them in the blurred periphery Strong line.
like the sun and the stars I like the way this line shifts between the one above and below. I'm undecided on the cliched simplicity.
you glow brighter when I look away Interesting.

I will not see through you
your face and the mind beyond it Strong.
I halt my guessing at your feet My favorite line, it sold me on the whole piece, grabbed me.
whatever fears or desires pulse therein
you do not need me to draw them from you Emotionally strong.

I will not touch you
your mind opaque and voice a mist You've sort of said this already.
I know the venom in my hands
and the spines on my tongue Two strong lines, you might consider "of my tongue".
you are fading quick enough without my help You might consider "quickly".

I'm enjoying it, thanks for posting it.