Signs
#15
(12-18-2015, 04:45 PM)Weeded Wrote:  Rogo,
Thanks for the feedback, you bring up a good point about L5. I worked in an edit on L8 but im thinking its going to need another edit to apply your suggestions, and yes I completely agree with you on L11/12, I almost deleted it when I first wrote it because it didnt quite seem to fit with the rest of the poem. And I do kinda feel like the girl is more significant in this piece, its more about her while the guy is more of a mechanical part to the piece. Anyway, thanks for the thoughts, I'll meditate on how to include them on the next edit.
Mike

Billy,
You are most certainly, in fact, a pervert. Lol just kidding Big Grin
After reading your comments I now see this in a completely sexual context, thanks lmao.
The title is meant to allude to astrology, this is(supposed to be) about a relationship between a lady with a fire sign, and a man with a water sign, NOT sex :'D
Funny you dont like the 'entranced/incandescent' lines; I was getting frustrated and resorted to opening up a thesaurus and thought "hmm I've never used these words before Big Grin" I'll work on it, thanks!
Mike
that is funny, i genuinely thought this was intentionally about sex.
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Messages In This Thread
Signs - by Weeded - 12-16-2015, 07:53 PM
RE: Signs - by ellajam - 12-16-2015, 11:00 PM
RE: Signs - by dukealien - 12-16-2015, 11:51 PM
RE: Signs - by shemthepenman - 12-17-2015, 01:29 AM
RE: Signs - by ellajam - 12-17-2015, 02:18 AM
RE: Signs - by porpoise - 12-17-2015, 01:36 PM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 12-17-2015, 01:42 PM
RE: Signs - by Morze - 12-17-2015, 02:32 PM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 12-17-2015, 06:30 PM
RE: Signs - by shemthepenman - 12-17-2015, 07:42 PM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 12-17-2015, 10:52 PM
RE: Signs - by Rogo - 12-18-2015, 01:41 PM
RE: Signs - by billy - 12-18-2015, 04:13 PM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 12-18-2015, 04:45 PM
RE: Signs - by shemthepenman - 12-18-2015, 06:59 PM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 12-18-2015, 10:13 PM
RE: Signs - by Rogo - 12-19-2015, 12:22 AM
RE: Signs - by TSlate - 12-20-2015, 09:35 AM
RE: Signs - by shurgaree - 12-26-2015, 02:43 PM
RE: Signs - by Naima.m - 01-01-2016, 04:55 AM
RE: Signs - by QDeathstar - 01-01-2016, 11:19 PM
RE: Signs - by browtm7 - 01-02-2016, 04:24 AM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 01-04-2016, 08:18 AM
RE: Signs - by REW - 01-04-2016, 10:33 AM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 01-04-2016, 12:44 PM
RE: Signs - by PoetCraft - 01-05-2016, 01:27 PM
RE: Signs - by will - 01-06-2016, 05:09 AM
RE: Signs - by Weeded - 01-06-2016, 09:29 AM



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