Stark Contrast (was Stark) rev #4.

[ellajam]

Hi, asch, I'll give it a go. For me you successfully create a mood and carry it through. I think you've put up some unnecessary roadblocks for the reader, some words that can be pared and for me the capitalization of each line really works against the poem, making it more cryptic than it truly is: off-putting.  Once I committed to plowing through I really liked it. Some suggestions are below.

[comment:  it's been a long while.  Please be gentle but I know I need the feedback]

The bright black pavement bakes back silent heat, No, immediate road block. I'd lose at least "bright", but still too much.
Pulling reluctant drops of sweat
Which drip impotently down,
Drying and leaving its salt on the ground.
For me this whole opening didn't really work: reluctant sweat? drip impotently? Not a hint of how the poem actually will make sense and be so successful if I continue.

The sun has left dried pathos -- dried pathos is not a suitable sound for me, I think you can do better.
The remains of a worm, now a hollow brown Hollow would be a stronger break.
Stick between paving stones;  glued
To the pavement by its desiccated mucous.
Not a fan of pavement after paving. Strong image.

Rare, humid winds sometimes move toasted Odd comma, I'd drop it, and maybe lose humid and sometimes.
Pine needles in the sandy lot, the roasting
Heat only stirred.  Everything
Is an afterimage of itself, radiantly shining.
I'm on the fence on "Heat only stirred, incomplete but I'm not sure that's so bad. Another strong image, especially in the last line.

Nothing happens.  The motel fronts heavily I like everything/nothing.
Curtained windows, colored in burnt umber 
With oranges.  The window unit wearily
Labors in the darkened musty room.
I don't know what "with oranges" bring to the party. The rest of the poem is outside, don't bring me inside for nothing.

A low low buzz, more sensed illusion than real 
Leads around the corner, and in the brush is revealed Maybe a semi or period after corner.
The cicadas singing their coarse sibilant song
Defiantly hopeful, gathering around the hidden pond.

The light blue of the spring strikes you first,
A shimmering clear decal stuck here against
Expectations;  negating the starke thirst Comma after expectations?
of the sand.  Plants, trees hide along the banks.

Although just a small boil, its shoulders
Define the relief of its banks well.  Sand
Dances in the water so much colder
Than expected, tickling your hand.
I'm not sure about the repeat of expects. Here especially those needless upper case words confuse and annoy me.

There is a depth here you can just barely sense, 
But cannot see or measure.
It comes upward while it connects
To and from the greater whole.
Meh on the ending, I could lose it altogether and be satisfied ending above.

So, it turns out I really like this. I hope the crit is not too much, I've just tried to point out what would improve my own  read. Hope this helps.