12-17-2015, 10:52 PM
Shem,
Thanks for the feedback. Damn I thought the contained/constrained would work out haha. And ok I got one more idea with 'curiously' if it still dont work ill think about editing lol i like it there too honestly, and I see what you mean about the next line. I was directing (naturally) towards the girl in the poem but it doesnt quite read that way.
Damn man, I never thought about writing it that way! That is dope lol I thought about replacing the brightness diminishing line with(including your idea) something like
"She grew like a nova, like a star, like a supernova" (I decided it was too much nova but idk it looks kinda cool like that now)
You should definitely start writing again bro, I don't see why not.
But idk what's up with semicolon, I thought I needed it lol
Mike
Thanks for the feedback. Damn I thought the contained/constrained would work out haha. And ok I got one more idea with 'curiously' if it still dont work ill think about editing lol i like it there too honestly, and I see what you mean about the next line. I was directing (naturally) towards the girl in the poem but it doesnt quite read that way.
Damn man, I never thought about writing it that way! That is dope lol I thought about replacing the brightness diminishing line with(including your idea) something like
"She grew like a nova, like a star, like a supernova" (I decided it was too much nova but idk it looks kinda cool like that now)
You should definitely start writing again bro, I don't see why not.
But idk what's up with semicolon, I thought I needed it lol
Mike
Crit away