12-17-2015, 09:47 PM
Thanks for the reply. There is definitely a re write in the works. I drew few responses, perhaps because I caused befuddlement?
I am a little unsure where I am going with this as a whole. I see what you mean with each stanza possibly being the start of antoher poem; it's been about 20 yrs since I have put anything down, and I think my brain is a little constipated and trying to get a lot out at the same time. They are all linked, but I think I can transition that better.
As far as prose goes....I will work on that a little, but I was playing with near rhyme in most stanzas, I had to drop it sometimes but mostly it's there just hidden. I admit to goofing off little there, it's probably too subtle. I tend lean more toward Whitman, William Carlos Williams and the like with regard to form.
I think what I might do is put a person in there somewhere, more clearly tying each stanza, and expanding them to make it more cohesive.
It's meant to be very environmental (not "environmentalist"), and I think I have too much trying to come out at the same time. For now I will see if I can help others with some workshopping, then throw up a new version when it's ready. Might take a few weeks.
BTW since I am new, should I send a new version back to mild or go to more serious or ? I need a barometer. Thanks.
I am a little unsure where I am going with this as a whole. I see what you mean with each stanza possibly being the start of antoher poem; it's been about 20 yrs since I have put anything down, and I think my brain is a little constipated and trying to get a lot out at the same time. They are all linked, but I think I can transition that better.
As far as prose goes....I will work on that a little, but I was playing with near rhyme in most stanzas, I had to drop it sometimes but mostly it's there just hidden. I admit to goofing off little there, it's probably too subtle. I tend lean more toward Whitman, William Carlos Williams and the like with regard to form.
I think what I might do is put a person in there somewhere, more clearly tying each stanza, and expanding them to make it more cohesive.
It's meant to be very environmental (not "environmentalist"), and I think I have too much trying to come out at the same time. For now I will see if I can help others with some workshopping, then throw up a new version when it's ready. Might take a few weeks.
BTW since I am new, should I send a new version back to mild or go to more serious or ? I need a barometer. Thanks.