Signs

[shemthepenman]

hello, and here we go.

Ok so I've been trying to avoid abstract, but its quite difficult for me. I'd imagine this is about as abstract as it gets so I guess what I'm really wondering is if there's even any potential here for something. Thanks. - having read the poem, it certainly isn't as abstract as it gets (thank god). as for potential, well, everything has potential.


In her palm she held Fire - i would drop the capital F [bomb!].
in a form she controlled
so all could see, but none - so, i think the second line is redundant. that is, something in the palm of ones hand already implies control over said thing. unless you want to really drive that metaphor home; i personally don't think it is necessary.
could touch.

He, enamored by her energy - stick a comma there, after energy, and all's right with the world (you could actually do with cleaning a lot of the punctuation up, it's all over the place).
tried to touch but was burned. - yeah, that sucks [i mean the phenomenon, not the line]
In his hand held Water however,
so the burn was quick to cease. - change burn into a gerund in order to make it fit with cease, cut 'however' because it is confusing (punctuation), add 'he' before held.

Curiously, she gave him her hand. - i hate the word curious[ly]. not a criticism. just wanted to get that out there  although, i don't see any reason for it being here.
He doused her brightness, - i think 'doused' is a bad word choice. i am sure there is a better word you could use.
but she grew stronger in form. - before wrapping up, you have used form twice by this point, you go on to use it two more times before the end. there is nothing essentially wrong with repeating a word 4, 5, 20 times, if it is intentional. these 'forms' do not seem intentionally repetitive, they sound lazy repetitive.
Finally, she exploded;

He, without form.
She, without form. - i must admit, i am struggling with these last 4 lines, but not in a bad way. i really like the line 'finally, she exploded'. i don't like the 'he' and 'she' bit. the semicolon is inexplicable. but all in all, these last 4 lines are very interesting.

thanks for sharing, very much enjoyed it!