the poignant reminder

[rowens]

I think this is perfect for a first poem. If you go on to write better stuff, you could stick this one in at the beginning (or end, if you're more timid) of a collection and based on the following poems people would find it enlightening. I don't think you should scrap this one or change a detail of it. You should use it as a starting point, and feed off of it and advance beyond it.