12-16-2015, 02:46 AM
Hello there!
I had trouble following the first half of the poem due to the vague-ness and lack of concrete imagery. "As I gaze at something without a heartbeat" that line perked my interest, and I wanted to hear more description of it (because I had no idea what the "something" was.) I may (probably) be misinterpreting, but your last lines "when I accept that I will never be able to express the type of love I am capable of feeling) I feel like that just told me what your poem was about, when your poem should be doing that itself. My two cents, thanks for sharing!
I had trouble following the first half of the poem due to the vague-ness and lack of concrete imagery. "As I gaze at something without a heartbeat" that line perked my interest, and I wanted to hear more description of it (because I had no idea what the "something" was.) I may (probably) be misinterpreting, but your last lines "when I accept that I will never be able to express the type of love I am capable of feeling) I feel like that just told me what your poem was about, when your poem should be doing that itself. My two cents, thanks for sharing!
I relish writing bad poems, if it means someday I'll write a good one.