12-15-2015, 10:46 PM
I promised a crit, so coming back to that now:
I have re-read this poem several times - it's quite wonderful.
Some particularly great lines being (as others have pointed out):
...She meowed like a cat and called
me a dirty cunt....
...worthwhile heart attacks that made one clutch
a blued steel boner with a smile....
Just the odd nit:
Don't like this line - "The teat while sweet and nourishing kept giving
issues in puberty"
the teat / sweet rhyme is quite random and looks like a bad accident.
"kept giving" sounds bad. Perhaps "while sweet and giving, nourished issues..."?
I have re-read this poem several times - it's quite wonderful.
Some particularly great lines being (as others have pointed out):
...She meowed like a cat and called
me a dirty cunt....
...worthwhile heart attacks that made one clutch
a blued steel boner with a smile....
Just the odd nit:
Don't like this line - "The teat while sweet and nourishing kept giving
issues in puberty"
the teat / sweet rhyme is quite random and looks like a bad accident.
"kept giving" sounds bad. Perhaps "while sweet and giving, nourished issues..."?