12-15-2015, 12:07 PM
Just a few quick notes.
"the love i feel as i gaze at something without a heartbeat both frightens and comforts me to no end."
Not really sure how one gazes at something without a heartbeat and emotionally responds to it.
"comforts me to no end." is about as cliché as one can get.
Just because it is poetry does not mean one can avoid the clarity that the use of grammar provides, as well as punctuation, unless there is an extremely good reason. Unless one can demonstrate why an "i" should not be capitalized, then it is simply affectation. An unfortunate manifestation similar to center justify.
I have to speak on this one line, then I will stop, "a force so strong they bruise my delicate nature". This is so over the top melodramatically it is impossible to take it seriously.
Don't take this as major critique, we have all had to learn these things.
Best,
Dale
"the love i feel as i gaze at something without a heartbeat both frightens and comforts me to no end."
Not really sure how one gazes at something without a heartbeat and emotionally responds to it.
"comforts me to no end." is about as cliché as one can get.
Just because it is poetry does not mean one can avoid the clarity that the use of grammar provides, as well as punctuation, unless there is an extremely good reason. Unless one can demonstrate why an "i" should not be capitalized, then it is simply affectation. An unfortunate manifestation similar to center justify.
I have to speak on this one line, then I will stop, "a force so strong they bruise my delicate nature". This is so over the top melodramatically it is impossible to take it seriously.
Don't take this as major critique, we have all had to learn these things.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.