In a Fall

[ellajam]

Hi, Larry I think you've got a good start here: An idea you want to express (although you could use a stronger metaphor, maybe if the autumn leaves lines made a bit more sense), you've got a strong attempt at meter (Leanne has some great threads on meter). While the rhyme scheme is consistent aside from S2, the rhymes are on the simple side, although I like waiting/ anticipating for the similarity of meaning. If you're interested in writing with rhyme you might want to take a look at a site like Rhyme Zone, fun to scan searching for more complex rhymes that suit your chosen meter. Also, take a look at our practice threads, you'll find some posts by our more experienced members that do some amazing things with rhyme.

I've put some notes below, I hope they help, and I hope you post the finished product (Misc. would be the forum for it), I'd love to see it.

In a Fall

As leaves flutter to the ground,
Some might wonder what they've found
In a life filled with wonder,
Sunshine, rain, wind, and thunder.
Colon after wonder although the list is a bit boring. On the metaphor: No, I don't wonder what autumn leaves find, I know they find decay, though my answer doesn't seem to be what you're after.

Change does arrive in the fall,
May also in falls from grace
That take one to a new place,
Some of life's issues to face.
Here I run into trouble with your capitalization of every line. is it May or may, either way I can't make sense of that line, I can't put together "may also in".

I don't mind the change in rhyme scheme but the "fall" is left just hanging out there. Maybe if you had completed a rhyme for it in the first line of S4, or somewhere else, you could get away with it (though others may disagree) but as is it just seems like an overlooked error.

There, nervously awaiting,
Even anticipating
Interpretations anew,
Displaying another view.
I'm no expert but you may be missing an object here. Something seems incomplete.

With time, insights come and go,
Leading one again to know
That process is nature's way,
Evolving each day by day.
So this is a clear summation, but on the whole the piece seems to be telling me what I already know in not a particularly novel way. I think you could dig deeper, pinpoint your metaphor and run with it, say what you're aiming at in images that point the way.

There's a link on our home page to an amusing and informative read, Poetry Tips by Colin Ward. If you haven't read it yet give it a try. The effort you've put into this is clear, it's possible you can take it further.