How To Write Like Largo

[rayheinrich]

Rayheinrich - the “deep shit” line has come and gone in a couple edits and I remain uncertain about it. I’m honestly not sure if the incongruity works. I wonder if the fact that this seemed like a welcome break from some “new age” stereotypes means that my irony really isn’t coming through.

It was "mythological/religious/philosophical/new age/etc.", not just "new age".  
You're irony is coming through quite well; my point was that I didn't find the irony that entertaining.
A politician calling for change in a speech comprised of one cliché after another IS ironic; but it's not that interesting.

"Deep shit", while a bit plain, had a nice jolt to it. But yes, I'd go with more "sophisticated" incongruities:
Ill-fitting, wrong-meaning words, anachronisms, mixed metaphors/idioms...
The poem's been ironed too much, it needs a few wrinkles put back into it.

Ah, now we know what "Largo" means. But no, it wasn't a good idea to put it in the title unless
your intent was to have the reader puzzling over the title instead of reading your poem.
You stopped all three of us right there, our brains were veritably crawling with it.

But, nevermind...

In the future, when you're selecting a poem to post for critique, you should pick one that you
are serious about having other people read; posting private joke poems in a critique forum is a
waste of critiquers time.
Ray