12-14-2015, 04:03 PM
As leaves flutter to the ground,
Some might wonder what they've found
In a life filled with wonder, perhaps a different word in line one for a stronger execution (as i see the rhyme comes in L3)
Sunshine, rain, wind, and thunder.
Change does arrive in the fall,
May also in falls from grace two "falls" too close together; again, same as S1 - or was this intentional?
That take one to a new place,
Some of life's issues to face.
There, nervously awaiting,
Even anticipating
Interpretations anew, nice choice of words to demonstrate a change of mood
Displaying another view.
With time, insights come and go,
Leading one again to know
That process is nature's way,
Evolving each day by day. a thought seems unfinished here, but i like what you're going for
this poem had a 'breath of fresh air' feel that i really enjoyed. i felt that my lungs became more open as the poem progressed, and i felt a decreased level of anxiety perhaps from the standpoint of whomever is writing the poem. i wasn't a fan of the repeated words, it just felt cluttered. aside from the unfinished thought at the end, i enjoyed the writing overall.
Some might wonder what they've found
In a life filled with wonder, perhaps a different word in line one for a stronger execution (as i see the rhyme comes in L3)
Sunshine, rain, wind, and thunder.
Change does arrive in the fall,
May also in falls from grace two "falls" too close together; again, same as S1 - or was this intentional?
That take one to a new place,
Some of life's issues to face.
There, nervously awaiting,
Even anticipating
Interpretations anew, nice choice of words to demonstrate a change of mood
Displaying another view.
With time, insights come and go,
Leading one again to know
That process is nature's way,
Evolving each day by day. a thought seems unfinished here, but i like what you're going for
this poem had a 'breath of fresh air' feel that i really enjoyed. i felt that my lungs became more open as the poem progressed, and i felt a decreased level of anxiety perhaps from the standpoint of whomever is writing the poem. i wasn't a fan of the repeated words, it just felt cluttered. aside from the unfinished thought at the end, i enjoyed the writing overall.