In a Fall

[QDeathstar]

I am a total poetry novice. I haven't had time to do much reading and studying on this great site, but I want to make it a much higher priority in the future.

This is really what I consider to be my first poem, and by that I mean that I revised it a number of times over the last couple of months when I had the time and inclination to work on it again, instead of what I usually do, just throw down a bunch of verbiage and then move on to something else. This is a very, very simple poem that I'm making for a very dear, close friend, so, in that regard, it's more than adequate, because she will have a reference point from which to evaluate it. And I can fill in the blanks in discussing it with her, if necessary. I plan to make an 11"x14" digital photo print containing the poem and a graphic image I'm making, and give it to her as a Christmas gift.

I'd love any feedback that I can get from anyone, because I want to get ideas to make the poem the best that it can be, with the rather simplistic message that it contains. I have personal reasons to make it four stanzas with four lines in each stanza, to make it compatible with a poem my friend made for me earlier this year. I'd very much appreciate feedback from ellajam -- for the sweet, feminine input -- and from tectak -- who I hope rips it to shreads, if he feels it's appropriate, because I want to improve it -- and from anyone else who wishes to give his or her impressions.

Well, that's about it, and here's my little ditty:

In a Fall

As leaves flutter to the ground,
Some might wonder what they've found  I, We, but definitely get rid of might.
In a life filled with wonder, leaves are a part of a tree, like hair on a person. I'm not sure your metaphore makes sense
Sunshine, rain, wind, and thunder.

Change does arrive in the fall,
May also in falls from grace
That take one to a new place,  this whole stanza is jagged and unclear. Say what you want to say, instead of making it rhyme.  Rhyming is easy, meaning is hard.  I'm honestly not even sure what your trying to say Something about change and life, but, that's all I got
Some of life's issues to face.


There, nervously awaiting,
Even anticipating
Interpretations anew,  Even anticipating does not deserve its own line
Displaying another view.


With time, insights come and go,
Leading one again to know
That process is nature's way,
Evolving each day by day.

Larry B. ... ...  ... thanks, all !!!

Try rewriting this in one stanza, see what you have without the filler and rhyme.

---

I look up and leaves fall.
Drift
___from their grace
as we do
in search of a safer place.

I found it in you.