12-13-2015, 08:57 AM
I'm going to go ahead and agree with the general consensus that the significance of the knife in the sink is not at all apparent. The title is unhelpful in this regard, but I doubt switching it to "Premeditation" or something of the like would be a net gain. While all the images are effective, the narrator's hostility isn't coming through for me.
It's possible that significantly lengthening the poem would help make it feel more like a list of annoyances and less like an homage to a friend.
Dropping the "and"s near the ends of stanzas 2 and 3 might also help, grammar nazis be damned, it would make it seem less disjointed, like it's all supposed to be connected, like there is supposed to be a relationship between these four observations.
It's possible that significantly lengthening the poem would help make it feel more like a list of annoyances and less like an homage to a friend.
Dropping the "and"s near the ends of stanzas 2 and 3 might also help, grammar nazis be damned, it would make it seem less disjointed, like it's all supposed to be connected, like there is supposed to be a relationship between these four observations.