12-09-2015, 05:22 PM
nicely done Kieth.
for me the octave doesn't go the eight lines and the turn/resolution/answer comes too soon on line 5 a get round suggestion would be to place the first verse after the third as it now stands. that aside loved the bugger.
for me the octave doesn't go the eight lines and the turn/resolution/answer comes too soon on line 5 a get round suggestion would be to place the first verse after the third as it now stands. that aside loved the bugger.
(12-09-2015, 03:57 AM)Keith Wrote: With rope and spike I joke away my life
climb high to steal what others feel today
and hope that words will not become a knife
that cuts away the ribbons from this day
Those ideal minds will always find a way
so let the sunlight through this open door
and ask the morning birds if they will stay
for I have traveled here and wanted more love
than coins and smiles that pacify the poor,
in liquid times we drink and swallow pills
they keep my calibration at its core
and minimise reactions of free will
The test of touch still wants to hang around,
while louder bangs fall silent inside sound.