Things That Remind me of Newton's Universal Law of Gravity

[samyarb]

I thought your poem was interesting, sometimes smart and sometimes confusing. I think it has the potential to be great.


Flight-times to Thailand
and bombshells
   [both kinds.]................I like how the brackets nudge the reader to use their imagination and think of what "other bombshells" you might mean, but at the same time I don't see the relation between flight times to Thailand, bombs, and gorgeous women

Inside jokes
which are derivatives
of other inside jokes
which are derivatives....I sort of like this but it does seem unnecessary, what are you trying to say?

How a bench can be
just a bench,
or it can be an altar,
or it can be a bar, 
or it can be the saddest place.
   [A week of rain
   and whiskey
   and soggy cigarettes
   is not a valid prescription
   for anything.]

How the mud washes
from my fingertips
and makes a river delta
of my sink
before I eat. ....................This is my favorite stanza. I love the imagery and I think it's a great idea

Pink flesh in general.
Prison cells in general.......These are my least favorite lines. In general. 

   [It was touch-and-go for awhile,
   but at 30 I can comfortably say
   I am not an albatross.]................Cheeky. I like it but it seems more suited to a story or novel than this poem

Trying to forget.
Trying to remember. 
Trying in general............These are just words. Trying to forget what? Trying to remember what? Or else who cares? 

All the little things I want
but never buy....................This is OK but I think you could come up with something more potent. 
[/quote]