The Scenic Route [Revised]

[samyarb]

Thank you Keith, Ronsaik, and Qdeathstar for the feedback, it was very helpful. I made some revisions...I hope that they make the poem's meaning a bit clearer. The poem is about mother nature's disposition: she don't mind, she don't care. The great eye in the sky invites me outside and I want to go so badly but i have many excuses why I can't. But the sun doesn't hear excuses, and it doesn't care about my reasons. It will keep inviting me anyway. 

I watch the sun see through the trees
through the glass,
see through me.

This great star 
saturates my window
brightly warms my hand,
as if in proposition.

My smile concedes like a girl
that has just been asked to dance.
An unstoppable smile.

I belong out there, in the trees
At the source
Eating sunshine and
sipping starbursts
Filter free.

I roll down the window
as if to shout
"Stop!
Drop me off here".

But all I have are excuses:
"Bad timing," I say.
And the sun may see,
but it does not hear.


The original version:

The sun sees through the trees,

sees through the glass,

sees through me.



It saturates my window.

It brightly warms my hand,

as if in proposition.



My smile concedes like a girl

that has just been asked to dance.

I can't restrain this smile

any more that I can restrain a sunset.



I don't try to.

I belong out there, in the trees

At the source

Eating sunshine and sipping moonlight

Filter free.



I roll down the window

so that there is nothing between us, 

the sun and I, 

and I want to shout "Stop!

Drop me off here".



But all I have are excuses.

And the sun may see,
but it does not hear.