12-07-2015, 06:03 AM
Except for the last stanza, which I don't understand (the greater whole?), I liked it. 'Define the relief of the banks well' is smart.
If you end the poem at "hidden pond", even though you lose the line I admired above, I think the poem has a nice conclusion.
And...get rid of the unnecessary alliteration in the first line. It's ugly and does not belong here.
If you end the poem at "hidden pond", even though you lose the line I admired above, I think the poem has a nice conclusion.
And...get rid of the unnecessary alliteration in the first line. It's ugly and does not belong here.