12-06-2015, 06:26 PM
Sorry dukealien, I had not picked up on the sonnet form you were going for. (too long out of practice with crit) As it was in mild I had just focused on some of the more obvious things.
This said note to self - do try not to offer crit when tired, noticed this morning I suggested that repeating words is not good and offered a substitute that was also a repeat word on the same line
As a sonnet it is a bit messed up in the feet department on a couple of lines.
I'll leave this just as a comment for now and like you say see if someone else comes along to pick these details for you.
As to some of your other points, well thought out at your end, but sadly a word meaning is a word meaning and whilst, when writing an idea, it might translate, mostly I find that others are not able to read my mind...which is bloody irritating when I have a little plan and idea in my mind of what my poem is saying
This said note to self - do try not to offer crit when tired, noticed this morning I suggested that repeating words is not good and offered a substitute that was also a repeat word on the same line
As a sonnet it is a bit messed up in the feet department on a couple of lines.
I'll leave this just as a comment for now and like you say see if someone else comes along to pick these details for you.
As to some of your other points, well thought out at your end, but sadly a word meaning is a word meaning and whilst, when writing an idea, it might translate, mostly I find that others are not able to read my mind...which is bloody irritating when I have a little plan and idea in my mind of what my poem is saying