Things That Remind me of Newton's Universal Law of Gravity

[aschueler]

 


Nice job.  My comments attached are from the frame of mind "if this were a friend of mine how would I help make a very good poem better."  

Things That Remind Me of Newton's Universal Law of Gravity


Flight-times to Thailand
and bombshells
   [both kinds.]

Inside jokes
which are derivatives
of other inside jokes
which are derivatives.             Would hide this better somehow

How a bench can be
just a bench,
or it can be an altar,
or it can be a bar, 
or it can be the saddest place.
   [A week of rain
   and whiskey
   and soggy cigarettes
   is not a valid prescription
   for anything.]                           

 Cant think of anything better.  Reminds me of the Freudian a cigar is sometimes just a cigar

How the mud washes
from my fingertips
and makes a river delta
of my sink
before I eat. 

Pink flesh in general.
Prison cells in general.                  This worked in my opinion

   [It was touch-and-go for awhile,
   but at 30 I can comfortably say
   I am not an albatross.]

Trying to forget.
Trying to remember. 
Trying in general.

All the little things I want                 However this doesn't work for me, seems to cheapen it...
but never buy.