Thief Amongst Us

[brokenhearted workoholic]

Hello, I'm new to poetry. I've been writing for almost a month now and ready, to jump right in. I'm ready for the criticism, please don't hold back. 

It's written with portrayal of Satan, preying on the saved. 


An edit after being on the site awhile. 

Thief Amongst Us
----------------------------

Take heed, there's a thief amongst us. 
Not looking for valuables, or junk stuff. 
Persistent in what he wants, he wants us.   weak rhyme

He'll come over no announce.  
Show himself into the house.   same thing said twice
Sit beside you on the couch. 
Keeping tabs on your spouse.

You go ride into town. 
He's with you in the car. 
Knows wherever you are. 
So,  he'll never be far. 

He's a spy. He wants to know why,
the liquor store, you've not been by. 
Knows, you've been praying at night, 
smiling bright.Your trying to live right.

When just one week ago. 
You were all at the dive.  
Where you drank till five. 
Barely getting back alive. 

So now, he schemes and plots. 
He'll have you back in distraught. 
Stirring up some trouble steadfast.
Bothers him more, with time pass. 
 
He needs to have you back. 
Before you become to adapt. 
Or worse, your faith attract.
Then have a person react. 

He'll fight for you back till you die. 
Won't stop no matter what you try. 
No action will be able to ditch him. 
He's owner of the world you live in. 

He'll bring the fight right to your door. 
Gear up soldier, your now at war.

 

I feel that to you if there is a poem to be written it ought to be  rhyme.
There is nothing wrong with that but reading something that goes in and out of rhyming pattern
can present a great deal of difficulty to a reader.
You either rhyme or you don't.
Also instead of telling how the thief is doing it , show..
give an example , something that will stick .
What is it that you may know about the thief that general population does not,
share that and turn your poem if not to impressive ,at least into informative
and thus beneficial to reader.