Do You Remember Me?

[reverentpain]

First ever poem, so all thoughts and suggestions are eagerly invited!

Do You Remember Me?
 
Do you remember me?
When our stars struck over the churning seas
We burst into a million little pieces,
Each a letter spelling our love,
Down to the water they rained
A lingering luminescence
So we lit the legend of you and me
When our stars struck above the churning seas
 
Do you remember me?
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree
When I was the artist,
And you were my canvas,
Each kiss a new colour 
In the palette of our existence
So we sketched the story of you and me
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree.
 
Do you remember me?
I remember you –
I do.

In a lot of ways this poem spoke to me. To me, it feels like the poem is talking about a first love, years gone by, back when it was magical and perfect, before it fell apart, and even though years have gone by, the memory is still there. 

I have difficulty giving feedback due to my incredibly limited experience with poetry. I'm hardly one to talk, as I'm sure my poetry needs a lot of work itself, however, I had some difficulty with the rhythm to it. I saw the pattern and understood it, but it felt a little stilted. When spoken out loud, it doesn't sound as deliberate as it looks on the screen. In my mind, poetry is written with the ideal that it should be read out loud. For some I'm sure that's true, for others, not so much. 

That said, I really enjoyed this piece, it evoked some serious emotion in me, and made me wonder, do my previous significant others remember me? Did I have as much of an impact on them as they have on me? Seriously, keep writing. I look forward to reading more from you.