The Scenic Route [Revised]

[Achebe]

The sun sees through the trees,
sees through the glass,
sees through me. ..... apart from being a boring first three lines, what the sun was seeing is still either a mystery, or an antiprofound 'my desire to be outside' by the time the poem ends.

It saturates my window. 
It brightly warms my hand,
as if in proposition. ........ nice

My smile concedes like a girl
that has just been asked to dance.
I can't restrain this smile
any more that I can restrain a sunset. ........ why not 'a pregnant hen in Siberia from laying its eggs'? the 'sunset' comes across as an unnecessary reinforcement of the 'sun' theme of this poem. Worse, it makes the reader anticipate some talk about how the sun goes down, the day will end, the bright sun will be no more...but no! it was just a random example of something you couldn't restrain, like the tides upon a beach in Mozambique.

I don't try to.
I belong out there, in the trees
At the source ........ are trees the source of sunshine?
Eating sunshine and sipping moonlight ........'eating sunshine' is nice, because that's what the trees actually do via photosynthesis....there's none of that by moonlight, but that's fine in a poem.
Filter free. ........ nice

I roll down the window
so that there is nothing between us, 
the sun and I,
and I want to shout "Stop!
Drop me off here". ........are you an 11 year old in a schoolbus? who are you shouting to?

But all I have are excuses.
And the sun may see,
but it does not hear. ........ what? were you expecting the sun to stop your car? this makes zero sense.

overall, the poem, has some nice lines, but you need to work on making it more sensible.