12-04-2015, 05:49 PM
the poem's shape has me thinking there's a reason for it but i can't work it out. the repetitions didn't work for me. the poem after some readings felt as though the aim was the last line. i can't work out the connection. the title and black hole/sigularity work but i can go from start to finish without thinking i've missed some important.
(12-03-2015, 11:19 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote: Swirling green fields gather butterflies and flowers
forming a trail toward an old country cottage covered in green green here doesn't add anything good line break though i struggle with swirling forming a trail
moss and weathered cedar soaking up the sunshine
given by the last of summers warming rays.
Green grass chases the silhouette more green?
of a country home's shadow no need for [of]
as the fading sun sets
below summers horizon. [summers]?
Greenery surrounds walls more green
of a broken home
as sunlight recedes.
Earthen tones reach out to grasp
unnatural shapes falling into
perpetual darkness.
Darkness meets light
as shapes soften.
A Light
and a Dark. Darkness|
light.
singularity
/////////
I'm not sure this actually works as intended.