12-02-2015, 03:15 PM
short comments here
I found the things inside the brackets to be most interesting, and the vast majority of the rest of the poem to be ho-hum, could be skipped. There are a lot there are of filler there are words there are that take there are up space, there are.
I can see the intent on rythm, but....
as I said what is in the brackets is a pretty good poem, elsewhere there are good pieces mixed in with repetition.. it's actually like when an elderly man with alziemers? starts to tell you a story, and then forgets, and has to repeat....
I like the delta scene, it is the MUD that is flowing from your body, earth, into the river, sink, down the drain ocean... I see no problem with flow, it's a nice image I hadn't thought of before.
I found the things inside the brackets to be most interesting, and the vast majority of the rest of the poem to be ho-hum, could be skipped. There are a lot there are of filler there are words there are that take there are up space, there are.
I can see the intent on rythm, but....
as I said what is in the brackets is a pretty good poem, elsewhere there are good pieces mixed in with repetition.. it's actually like when an elderly man with alziemers? starts to tell you a story, and then forgets, and has to repeat....
I like the delta scene, it is the MUD that is flowing from your body, earth, into the river, sink, down the drain ocean... I see no problem with flow, it's a nice image I hadn't thought of before.