11-30-2015, 10:45 AM
The picture you're painting here seems sort of stilted and vague in the beginning, just getting little vignettes of imagery. I understand that it's symbolic but I'm having trouble reaching the precise meaning of it(this easily reflects my reading style, not necessarily your writing style). But that feeling of inconsistence is really reflective of the content of the writing: something taking shape. I think it really picks up a few stanzas in, and flows very well from there. The imagery is simply beautiful throughout the piece 
"Precious futility,
Gently whispers by" I'm wondering what you mean here, is futility fading? One's will and purpose becoming stronger? These words are pretty but what do they mean?
"Terrified and impaled,
By motion of the burn"
Are you referring to the burn of a lightening strike? The imagery is lovely on its own but I don't see how the beginning of this stanza relates to the previous one.
"Wrapped in a transient timepiece,
Sand sealed against the glass, Beautiful imagery here, love this bit
Moved from square to square,
Pawns begin assembling in mass." With this line, the piece seems to be gathering momentum and taking shape.
"Precious futility,
Gently whispers by" I'm wondering what you mean here, is futility fading? One's will and purpose becoming stronger? These words are pretty but what do they mean?
"Terrified and impaled,
By motion of the burn"
Are you referring to the burn of a lightening strike? The imagery is lovely on its own but I don't see how the beginning of this stanza relates to the previous one.
"Wrapped in a transient timepiece,
Sand sealed against the glass, Beautiful imagery here, love this bit
Moved from square to square,
Pawns begin assembling in mass." With this line, the piece seems to be gathering momentum and taking shape.