Mommy, I didn't mean to cry

[gas]

This is a very interesting poem. I really like the use of onomatopoeia to create a disorientating sense of urgency; you create a world of noise, sound and fury, perfectly. However, might I suggest that the couplets in between,though are a little too melodramatic. They lack subtlety. Perhaps, try putting more meaning *beneath* the poem's surface, rather than giving it all up for free. The "oh" I feel is particularly OTT, but there is potential here.