The Will to Science

[dukealien]

I thought L5 was 9 syllables, L1 8, and the rest iambic pentameter (mostly).
It sounds ok, but isn't a Shakespearian sonnet supposed to be in all iambic?

Perhaps, but seeing as how Shakespeare was notoriously negligent in this regard,
I don't see slavishness as at all necessary. Doubled short syllables, omitted ones,
various pauses and 'danglers' on the end... he was a sordid beast in this regard.
Thank the gods, for his sake, he's come to be revered.

I did fix L4 in Edit1 so it no longer requires "ansring."

Concerning the 9-syllable first lines of each quatrain, I originally had "The will to science..." in L1 (hence the title), but found I was using an obvious filler as the unstressed first syllable in the first line of each of the others (too), so cut them all, on the theory that starting off with an accented first syllable portrays the aggressive nature of scientific inquiry.  [That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.]

FWIW, I'm new at this, but lately tend to use modified sonnet forms like this modified Shakespearean and an altered Spenserian with the couplets in the middle of the quatrains instead of spanning them.  I even have one floating around on this site which consists of seven heroic couplets - no one seemed to mind.  Substitution (of different feet for iambs) is harder, but I'm trying to learn.  That, and free verse.

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Hi dukealien, nice to see a sonnet  I am particularly fond of your third stanza and couplet, both in word choice and sentiment.  

Your meter falls down in a couple of places:

L4 has an extra syllable and no matter how I elide, it won't be squished into IP. I have a couple of quick suggestions: "But Nature, in reply, may bless or kill", "But her reply may ratify or kill", or something along those lines.

L6 I do have to elide "list'ning", which in my accent would be three syllables, but that's a regional thing and perfectly fine to ignore... I'm just sayin'  Similarly L11 took me a couple of goes to realise that you're saying "the'ry" -- but that's slightly problematic, because it then puts the stress on "a", which is a bit of a waste.  Again, in my accent, I could fit it into IP with "Each theory's a love-note".  Your call as always -- you should write as you say it.  I've just learned over the years that most of my audience has a different accent to mine, so I try to avoid ambiguity in the meter.

You do use "assent" twice, which might be something to address as there's no point served by its repetition.

Thanks for the read

Thank you very much for the good critique.  I thought well of that poem, but you pointed out some serious problems.

(Tried to post this thank-you earlier, but it seems to have vanished)  First try at remedies is in Edit1.

Briefly, yes, I do vocalize "theory" as two syllables.  I'll leave it that way despite the dialect problem, partly because it's at least consistent (always has two in this poem) and partly because replacing it with "hypothesis" presents serious problems.  "Thesis" would work but doesn't quite mean the same - besides, the plural sounds a little dirty.

Fixed lines 4 and 11, 4 to eliminate both "ansring" and the duplicated "assent," and 11 using the military maxim of attacking a weak point to turn it into a position of strength.  Substituting "one" for "a" stresses that more than one love-letter is often required in order to prevail.

Which allows L 13 to stand without changing "assent" to "consent" or flipping the meaning to make "dissent" available.

Thanks again... hope this is not now a double post.