11-29-2015, 07:53 AM
Hi dukealien, nice to see a sonnet 
I am particularly fond of your third stanza and couplet, both in word choice and sentiment.
Your meter falls down in a couple of places:
L4 has an extra syllable and no matter how I elide, it won't be squished into IP. I have a couple of quick suggestions: "But Nature, in reply, may bless or kill", "But her reply may ratify or kill", or something along those lines.
L6 I do have to elide "list'ning", which in my accent would be three syllables, but that's a regional thing and perfectly fine to ignore... I'm just sayin'
Similarly L11 took me a couple of goes to realise that you're saying "the'ry" -- but that's slightly problematic, because it then puts the stress on "a", which is a bit of a waste. Again, in my accent, I could fit it into IP with "Each theory's a love-note". Your call as always -- you should write as you say it. I've just learned over the years that most of my audience has a different accent to mine, so I try to avoid ambiguity in the meter.
You do use "assent" twice, which might be something to address as there's no point served by its repetition.
Thanks for the read
I am particularly fond of your third stanza and couplet, both in word choice and sentiment. Your meter falls down in a couple of places:
L4 has an extra syllable and no matter how I elide, it won't be squished into IP. I have a couple of quick suggestions: "But Nature, in reply, may bless or kill", "But her reply may ratify or kill", or something along those lines.
L6 I do have to elide "list'ning", which in my accent would be three syllables, but that's a regional thing and perfectly fine to ignore... I'm just sayin'
Similarly L11 took me a couple of goes to realise that you're saying "the'ry" -- but that's slightly problematic, because it then puts the stress on "a", which is a bit of a waste. Again, in my accent, I could fit it into IP with "Each theory's a love-note". Your call as always -- you should write as you say it. I've just learned over the years that most of my audience has a different accent to mine, so I try to avoid ambiguity in the meter.You do use "assent" twice, which might be something to address as there's no point served by its repetition.
Thanks for the read