The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #3)

[ellajam]

Hey Ella. For the most part, I like the edit better. I'll try to explain where and why.


[quote='ellajam' pid='200431' dateline='1448640292']
The Gift of the Empty Hand (edit #1)

You left without your things.

Eighty years of salvaged scraps sorted better
and shelved alongside Twain, Cayce, Eliot;
illegible religious tomes and old issues
of Archeology, New Yorker and Science specifics add here - nice suggestion JM, well executed
each with one article you couldn't trash. "article" does double duty here- nice
Closets stacked with antique picnic baskets
and almost working vacuum cleaners, neither "fixable" or "almost working" are right - you'll figure it out
Polaroid cameras in their striped boxes,
stacks of photos you caught and that caught you. liked the original better here. Maybe just me

When the ocean took it all you came, I feel like you're still struggling with these 2 lines. "grinning voice" is a no for me. You're too close to the finish line to trip here. The quote is in quotes-- do you need to tell us you heard the voice? 
EX. 
when the ocean took it all
you came to me grinning,
"......."

I heard your grinning voice:
"It's just stuff."
My arms are full of empty,
free to hold today.

Lastly, I wonder if the new title somewhat counterfeits "my arms are full of empty" You already nailed that line. I'd be careful not to dilute it??

So far, so good. Still worth tweaking further.
Paul

Thanks so much for coming back, Paul, and for your solid input. I like to do a rushing zigzag through edits (and titles) and having you to keep shaking it out with me really helps. Much appreciated.