A recipe for soothing white noise

[Alexearth]

Alexearth,

As this is misc I do not want to go full on critique but I must say the use of "eve" bothers" me as there is simply nothing that justifies it's usage. To me it just seems to come across as affectation. Same with using bold with the whole poem. "Bold" is used for emphasis, it kind of defeats the purpose to bold everything. Is this this a poem about EST? Feel free to tell me to piss off, as I said it is misc. Over all I didn't get much from it. the one line that intrigued me was

"the jaw forced into a hardly describable position"

It intrigued me because it could bring focus to the rest of the poem but at the same time it seemed hardly awkward.

However, in general for me, the surface level should be fairly clear, even if trying for an imagist poem I don't see that here. Don't get me wrong, I've written much worse.



Best,

dale

Hey Dale,

thanks for your comment, its all good! The bold was an error, in fact it's just a different font, I copied the text from my Word document and it got pasted this way.

For the "eve" part, and for the whole text as well, it's purely my own affection for a moment I like to experience; I wouldn't care for example for the sound of a plane at lunchtime. But it is true that if the text is read as a generality, a common idea, some parts such as "at eve" becomes an insignificant image which doesn't bring anything to the poem.

Thanks again for your critique,

Alex