An Overheard Conversation

[Badatpoetry101]

Overheard Conversation


Twas a dark and rainy night,
When two men took to smoking.
Both were laughing. Both were joking.
At each other, fun, they were poking.

And as I saw these two men,
The wind pitched to me their discourse:
“How do you suppose we fit ‘im
In that little thrift shop casket?”

Then, in reply, the other said:
“Tis quite a pity all we could find
To put this man, still of mind,
Is a dismal thrift shop casket.”

But still on he went,
With a snigger and a cough:
“Don’t you worry and don’t you fret,
For he will find a way to fit.”

“And if that he’s not fain to do,
We’ll chop ‘im up a time or two,
And we shall stuff his body in
That little thrift shop casket!”

Hello, hopefully I can be of some use. I assume you are using shakesperian english/early modern english and not middle english. I will operate on the assumption that you are not. If you are not I would suggest to drop the contraction 'twas. The contraction "It was" needs an apostrophe 'twas.

The first stanza line 4 I would suggest 'fun' be moved to the front. i.e.
-Fun, at each other, they were poking.-
I also do not think you need the "And" stanza 2 line 1, as it makes it seem to me that everything happened in an instant. The stanzas can represent a progression of time pretty well in your poem; you do not need to tell the audience that the story is going forward. The same for "Then" in stanza 3 line 1. "But," stanza 4 line 1, and "And," stanza 5 line 1. While you use it as part of someones speech it feels like a continuation of yours, and makes it awkward to me. I am unsure if 'Is' is intentional, stanza 3 line 4.