Eulogy to Mechanical Men

[billy]

for me it was a little over powering. lots of good in the poem, the first two lines encapsulate anger well, and the first line is powerful and creates interest for the reader. from there the 2nd line stanza weakens more than a lot. [the 2nd line is more than a good image and carries good ambiguity. not sure precious and futility go well together. the poem feels current and has a feel of hopelessness about it. the overpowering parts were the intangibles

I was thinking of recent world events which have impacted me a little more than usual.  For what it's worth, this came out last night:

Eulogy to Mechanical Men
 
Arms move violently,
Storm against the sky,
Precious futility,
Gently whispers by,
Motionless, breathless,
Bound to contemplate,
Just why we’re born,
From they who love to hate.
 
Terrified and impaled,
By motion of the burn,
Clockwork set irreversibly, a suggestion would be [irreversible clockwork]
Now begins to churn, now or begins feels redundant, either could stay or go
Wrapped in a transient timepiece,
Sand sealed against the glass,
Moved from square to square,
Pawns begin assembling in mass. is the 2nd begin needed?
 
Teetering on Occam’s edge,
Soulfulness despite,
Living in subliminal sin,
Each knowing what is right,
Talk of transformation,
A distraction from the pain,
Arms taken far too quick,
Fooled by those who want to gain.
 
Bloated cycles broken steadfast,
By tangled unity,
The erosion fueled vestiges,
The remnants of humanity,
All bound in singular voice,
Proclaiming fate is far too late,
Yet the answer never comes,
Why we’re born,
From they who love to hate.