Cecil and the Brave

[dukealien]

Hi there I would appreciate any comments on the below.  Best Wishes, Deakin

**
 

1. People remember where they were when Kennedy was shot.
   
2. But, what of your whereabouts when Cecil was slain?
   
3. We know where the Dentist was:
   
4. Crouched in a bush, clutching his cross-bow and hunting permit.
   
5.  
   
6. And we know where he went afterwards too:
   
7. The front pages, the news’ headlines, the radio waves.
   
8. And we know too where you didn’t go:
   
9. His surgery in America closed, he was forced to hide.
   
10.  
    
11. And now, in turn, he was hunted:
    
12. The battery of photo lenses as sharp as his weapon.
    
13. The world’s reaction was a surprise to him,
    
14. and his surprise was a surprise to the world.
    
15. Everyone was surprised, it seemed.
    
16.  
    
17. His former life routine:
    
18. A check-up, a denture, rinse and spit out.
    
19. ‘Open wide,’ he said to his patients:
    
20. Close enough to survey their teeth and feel their breath on his face.
    
21. He did not get quite so close to Cecil.
    
22.  
    
23. The arguments are well-rehearsed:
    
24. Conservation, tourism, man’s historic compulsion to shoot things.
    
25. Perhaps there is some truth in that, perhaps not.
    
26.  
    
27. Perhaps he sought excitement?
    
28. Perhaps he believed himself brave?
    
29. Perhaps, if the world will ever leave him alone, he would do it again.
    
30.  
    
31. OK, Dentist, let us say for a moment you were brave:
    
32. Just like your junior patients, eh?
    
33. Here is your dentist’s reward:
    
34. An “I was brave” sticker,
    
35. That you can keep for life.
    

Frankly, the political-social shadows from this incident make it a little hard to properly critique it as poetry, but here goes.

First off, the enjambment (twist of meaning from one line to the next at line breaks) is neatly used, for example lines 34-35 where the trivial becomes the life-changing, or lines 3-4 where it becomes clear we're not talking about where the dentist was when JFK was shot.

Minor quibbles:  need a comma in line 6 between "afterwards" and "too" (free verse doesn't require punctuation, but since you use it properly elsewhere the only rationale here would be creating a run-on where "too," spoken, equivocates with "to").

No apostrophe after "news" on line 7.

On line 8, using "you" is inconsistent with "he" in the surrounding lines.  It adds emphasis, but jars unnecessarily.  Save that for lines 31-35. where you're explicitly addressing the doctor.  There, it works very well.

In summary, though I personally don't agree with all the sentiments expressed and implied, they are well expressed in all their glorious ambiguity.  Free verse (which I'm still trying to figure out) seems the preferred, maybe the proper medium for sociopolitical poetry:  a bit stripped down and raw compared to the elaboration and aesthetics of forms or blank verse.  This is, IMHO, a superior specimen of the type, with the valuable attribute of exposing ambiguity that most "protest" poetry won't touch in its rush to shout only the Party Line.