11-25-2015, 07:42 AM
Thanks for your thoughts everyone.
I like the stanza with the couple at the next table, I think it sort of helps you picture the scene, but I can see why you guys think it could be better.
Your thoughts about balance sort of concern me here Ray - I wanted it to be more of an "I suck" poem rather than a "I'm good/you're bad poem".
The reason she's checking her phone is because of how painfully awkward the conversation is. She's sour because she has to endure the narrator's banal, forced talk about work, and the narrator's painfully aware of how boring he's being.
I might want to make that a little more clear if I can.
I like the stanza with the couple at the next table, I think it sort of helps you picture the scene, but I can see why you guys think it could be better.
Your thoughts about balance sort of concern me here Ray - I wanted it to be more of an "I suck" poem rather than a "I'm good/you're bad poem".
The reason she's checking her phone is because of how painfully awkward the conversation is. She's sour because she has to endure the narrator's banal, forced talk about work, and the narrator's painfully aware of how boring he's being.
I might want to make that a little more clear if I can.