Do You Remember Me?

[elviaje26]

First ever poem, so all thoughts and suggestions are eagerly invited!

Do You Remember Me?
 
Do you remember me?
When our stars struck over the churning seas
We burst into a million little pieces,
Each a letter spelling our love,
Down to the water they rained
A lingering luminescence
So we lit the legend of you and me
When our stars struck above the churning seas
 
Do you remember me?
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree
When I was the artist,
And you were my canvas,
Each kiss a new colour 
In the palette of our existence
So we sketched the story of you and me
When we made love ’neath the sycamore tree.
 
Do you remember me?
I remember you –
I do.

I do like your second stanza a lot for a first written poem. I am thrown off by "stars" as its cliche and not indiviudal to you. I think the ending needs some work as it feels a bit abrupt. This style of poem might benefit from more lines and material.

-Clay